i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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