Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
