were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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