We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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