do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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