I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
