I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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