my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she peed on how many people?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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