Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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