Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
