U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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