she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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