Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
A+ Viking dick
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
