We won't sleep together?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
