there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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