She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
