nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
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