I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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