The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
