Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
