chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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