Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
