You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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