Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
