Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
