my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize