Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
