i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
