hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
