Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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