and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
