wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
