Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
