i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
