i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
