There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize