Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
