I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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