well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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