the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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