How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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