"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize