CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
