First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
