My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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