Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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