he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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