I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
