Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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