Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
