this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
