The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
what day is it and did you see me today?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize