I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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