I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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