you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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