are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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