I am puke
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
