she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
