Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
