you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
