I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
