dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
